No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
