my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm way too hungover for life right now
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
