I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
