So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
