Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
