life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize