woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
