I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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