im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
