I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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