I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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