i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just found puke in my bra..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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