I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
