To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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