Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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