im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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