Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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