when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm like, not good at living.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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