Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
