I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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