Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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