Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
