i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
