her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
