You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
