Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
