So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
