Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
