Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize