Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
