Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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