Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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