So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
