Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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