I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I supernannyed him into submission
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
