the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
