pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
