I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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