while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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