At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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