I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
