you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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