he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
