We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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