my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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