Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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