Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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