So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize