i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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