trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
