So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
