That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
