I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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