He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
