you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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