Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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