She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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