Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
