they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Drake has all the answers
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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