There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
