Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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