Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
