The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
