OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
