Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
