He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
