God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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