I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
