What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
