everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
