I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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