I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
