I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just invented taco cereal.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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