i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
