it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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