I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
