I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize