Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize