i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
