I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
tell me about the fingering
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
