mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
