Sry I called you an 8
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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