Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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