he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize