Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
