Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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