Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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