You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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