My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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