youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
