My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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