shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's never too late to be topless.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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