There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
