he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
