To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
