You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize