That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
