You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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