mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Duck Duck Cougar?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize